the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
