I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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