If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
