did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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