someone threw a dead crab at me
I just made out with a guy for $7.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
