I'm gonna have a badass scar
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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