The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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