Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
