im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
