i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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