What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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