Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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