And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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