bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
