I hate all girls vehemently.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I'm really busy with my period
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