I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I enjoy the company of your penis
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
