K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize