Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
