So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize