Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
