I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize