Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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