Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
