it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
