Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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