The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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