I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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