we're blogging at a bar
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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