meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
only you would photoshop your dick
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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