Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
