ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
