we're blogging at a bar
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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