something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize