he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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