why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Verdict: uncircumcised.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
