All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
