I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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