Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
