As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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