Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
