How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
