We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
