I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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