Are we in a gay sports bar?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
