I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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