I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
