Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
