so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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