Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
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