Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
In other news, I just burned my penis
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
True college students do jello shots in the library
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
