yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
