His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
