I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Randomize