I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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