I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
