Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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