I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
