dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
