The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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