just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
