i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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