then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
