mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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