He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize