If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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