Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
