After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
