I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
