I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
