dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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