i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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