those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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