We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
