Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
