As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
