I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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