he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
she told me i tasted like america
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Randomize
