to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
