fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
