Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
