I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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