Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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