420 ftw
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
