3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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