He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize