i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
