Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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