Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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