Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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