How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
