I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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