I wannas sexs uuuuu
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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