Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize