she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
